| (no subject) |
[Feb. 24th, 2006|11:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cynical | ] |
I've hit a horrible breaking point. It's like I'm a tea kettle and I'm whistling the fuck out of myself. I no longer know what to do. I'm hitting rock bottom. I'm drowning and I don't know if I want to be saved. |
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| Woohoo computer access! |
[Feb. 3rd, 2006|10:45 pm] |
Eu sou preocupado. O computador não esta bem. Eu tenho que esperar por muito tempo por ele.
OHhh shieetttt check out mah portuguese, bitches!!!!!!!!! My god it's been so easy learning portguese. Probably because I already speak spanish and french. So this is really a sinch. The only part I dislike is the hard accent. For some reason portuguese is so hard to speak, but I guess that is why it's so darn beautiful. Such a sexy language, especially brazilian portuguese (rio's dialect in particular).
So yeah, back at home my roomie's comp still ain't right, and luckily enough I aint there right now, so I douuuu have computah acxesssss. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 4th, 2006|01:53 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | some breakdown beats | ] |
I'm waiting for my Ipod to finish charging and I'm bored.
I took in a drop in yoga class yesterday...
I wasn't as embarrased as I thought I'd be.
My hands smell like humus.
I am very tired.
It's been brought to my attention that some people think I am extremely "Arabcentric" (a reformation of "afrocentric" I take it)
My head hurts.
I keep getting random people telling me to smile again.
I must look quite somber.
But I'm not...
I'm quite content, actually.
Green Tea is my new best friend, and so is the little natural/organic food store I now go to (thank goodness for getting lost).
My eyes hurt.
I think I shall hit da sack. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 21st, 2005|04:14 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
Just got home and as I was in the car I just kept thinking of how it's amazing how easily people can fall back into bad habits. The ridiculousness surprises me... and I can't believe my lack of self restraint.
I'm here to update this bastard, because I rarely use it now. I've become aware that I am usually pretty hesitant with writing about my life in here now. I supposed I've become a lot more private, so maybe keeping a journal just isn't going to work anymore.
BUT things I must share include: DUDE Richie's got some tight ass beats going on, and Greg is good with them turntables. If any of you happen to be in the area, come to Gabah. Or hit me up and I'll fetch yo voiture-less asses. |
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| Hurray for teensy flies |
[Nov. 12th, 2005|08:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
Man, I'm in a good mood today.
It's insane how I hadn't updated in so long... almost 3 months? But I think I've gone on for longer. Not sure though... hm. Oh well, don't matter much.
Yoga is really making me sleep better, which I am soooo grateful for. I really didn't know what I was going to do with myself, my sleeping patterns had detiriorated (sp?) so much to a point of ridiculousness. At least I've put a bandage on that one.
My admiration for the little elderly chinese people @ westchester is growing. Seeing them every morning makes my heart melt each time. I want to do Tai Chi... and Wing Chun. Supposedly the only teacher who teaches Wing Chun lives in San Diego though... fuck.
I am not looking forward to the upcoming holidays. I am a bit excited with my possible trip to Chile, but that is basically the only positive thing coming from vacation time. I hope I get to go.
I am so happy so many of you are online right now AHHH I might just die from the overdose of emotion. |
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| boycott lunchables |
[Aug. 25th, 2005|12:17 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
1. Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST. It is written. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 13th, 2005|04:48 pm] |
I weighed myself yesterday... and I'm down by a ridiculous amount. I'm a pile of fucking bones. I can't believe it... And I thought I was skinny before, huh? HAH what a JOKE. I really need to lay off all the nicotine, but it's such a comforting thing within my hectic life. I seem to convieniantly ignore what will happen to me if I go on with this habit.
I live life in a delusional state. School is starting soon and I wonder if I will manage. I better, or else all of my fucking struggles will have been in vain.
I'm falling apart.
Edit:
I don't make sense. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 13th, 2005|03:10 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | talking people, typing people, people. | ] |
This must be like the haven for lost homeless souls.
I bought myself all of life's dear necessities. Now I just have to either get a phone line installed or share with my roommate. Choices choices...
Then there is the whole computer deal. I won't have the money for one in a while. I want a little progressive machine, meaning $$$. But my roommate has one, so I'll leach off her for a tiny bit. I'll also come to the public library once in a while to check my e-mail.
My roommate is not a bad kind of weird, she's actually very intelligent and eccentric (the good kind of weird HAHAHA). Her face is also nice... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 10th, 2005|01:22 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | yawn | ] |
| [ | music |
| | this computer can't play music for some reason | ] |
I met my soon-to-be roommate today. She's a little on the weird side ... but defenitely seems nice. There is just something about being told junk concerning having a resemblance to some past life character is a bit strange. But we are all strange... so I should up shut.
She's a painter at Otis like Alyssa, so it's good to know she'll be around when I try to crack out the brushes. I could use a few pointers and a model.
I spent the rest of the day doing art pieces for those of you I will be leaving. I felt like I had a an apple in my throat and started sensing represed sadness. Obviously I am pretty depressed with my move, but I can't seem to cry lately. Maybe I've finally become a man? LOL. Just kidding, I don't think males have an excuse for supressing emotion. But damn, I wanna stick all of you into my luggage and carry you around like trinkets. Then people could wonder why I'm in such a deep conversation with my keychain, or coffee mug AHAHA.
I think I've become pretty brave lately. Since I'm leaving so soon I've done the most I could in expressing my feelings and giving nothing else but the truth, and it's be so relieving. I think one of my most recent moments of amusement involved me admitting to Kyra that I wanted him to be my boyfriend some time ago, LOLLLL He looked like he'd just won a contest... that evil bitch. Then he did some strange movement and accidentally shoved some food into his nose ...(OMFG HAHAHAHAHA) I'm not sure how that happened. But the idea of ketchuped snot isn't very appealing.
... I will surely miss his daily mischief and unrelenting sarcasm. He always kept my recycling in such check that it was incredible.
I will always come back to visit you all but it won't be as often as we'd like, I'm afraid. From what I've heard I'll be doused in hours of work. But you know what? I will make one dinosaur of an effort to come back at least once or twice every 2 weeks. I'd do more but I'll need that gas money for other things... such as that stuff we need to ingest in order to survive. What's it called again? OH yeah... food. =P |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 2nd, 2005|04:36 pm] |
No, no soy yo. Pero esto es un poco symbolico. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 1st, 2005|11:43 pm] |
Frustration is an understatement.
So I tried to morph it into something else. Then came this:
LOL, ridiculous. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 1st, 2005|10:53 pm] |
One thing could be said of this week, and that is that at least I've lived another day (although this man here has considered taking a dive out of a high rise building ).
Not much else can be said (concerning that same topic). I can't even claim my usual neutrality, or whine over a monotenous life. This time I'm rather traumatized. Paranoia...
My eyes hurt today when I decided to finally step out of my warm worm-hole (which I thank my dearest Mi for), and the soreness has gotten better.
My moving has been sped up, but not by much. 2 1/2 weeks can make or break a situation, though.
I considered several times using the blood from my nose bleeds in a form of artwork, but never pulled through with the idea. Now I regret it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 7th, 2005|12:40 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | bah | ] |
Because Chibishiningami tagged me:
Not because you have to, but because you WANT to! Things you enjoy, even when no one around you wants to go out and play. What lowers your stress/blood pressure/anxiety level? Make a list, post it to your journal... and then tag 5 friends and ask them to post it to theirs.
1. Sleep
2. Soccer
3. Art (of all forms)
4. being with my Cat (Cats lower stress levels... naturally! [HAHAHA reminds me of the funny HP spoof])
5. Dark skies + storms
List your current six favorite songs, then pick six other people that have to do the same
(these songs aren't current. Simply my all time favorite songs)
1. Radio Head- Karma Police
2. Prodigy - Breathe
3. NIN- Closer
4. Smashing Pumpkins- ava adore
5. Garbage - Push it
6. REM - Losing my religion
Tagging! (I don't know how to do that linkie thing)
This basically goes for the bitches i know in real life
-Pasttense001
-Pinkskinmilk
-Lkyrastixs
-Bluecrescent (if she ever revives her journal... hahah) |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 9th, 2005|11:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | annoyed | ] |
I need to hire someone to do my homework...
ew homework...
la la la la homework...............
( and ) |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 9th, 2005|01:20 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | bored | ] |
Wow am I happy mondays are short school days for me.
Today as I was walking down the hallways I kept hearing someone yell out, "SEED! SEED!". I totally thought the person was crazy until I realized they were yelling for me, only difference is that the person was referring to me by my middle name. I guess the wind muffled the person's pronunciation or something since I was far away and that only made it worse, because he actually was pronouncing it correctly once he had caught up with me (some of you STILL don't even get it right to this day... LOSERS). I felt shitty when I realized I totally don't respond to my middle name, I guess its just cause no one has ever bothered trying to call me by the most difficult name I've got. I'm actually used to being referred to as Merabak though, and respond the instant I hear it, unless someone has pronounced it wrong (I've heard crazy things like Mee-rah-beek HAHAHHA, and even Mee-reh-bek). I love my last name, although it does bug me how it's not spelled correctly (I know there is no such thing as mispelling a romanized version of an arabic word, lol... but dude, it's not even phonetically right). Usually people don't know but Seena was the one who pointed it out one day, and yes the last name should have been spelled Mebarak. Oh well, Merabak sounds cooler anyways...
it's also much cooler than MAALOUF AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.
Jasmine says, "Hi everybody!!!"
Back to work! |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 1st, 2005|08:28 pm] |
Woke up in the middle
of a sweat, my body was aching, my head was pounding...
and I was also panting for some reason. My vision was blurred yet
I was determined to know the time; I focused on the clock to the end of my feet, it read 4:15 am.
As I lay there, sprawled on my mate's uncomfortable couch
I contemplated life as I usually do.
But this time I did not drive myself insane with worry, anger, or hate. I in fact relished in happy
thoughts after a calm shot of serenity to a limb.
There was a loud BANG, and the sudden sound of a spring flowing past me. I bet there was vibrant green grass
encasing the road of water, and maybe little golden fishes with wings.
I envisioned a rainbow in the distance, ridiculously large daisies...
silver streams with in the water. There was also...
"Wake up, BITCH"
Suddenly the room was dark once again and an ugly face was looming over mine.
Where was I? I wasn't in place I could recognize.
Who is this ugly person?
I tasted blood in my mouth,
a lot of blood in fact...
Why can't I breathe? Why is all this blood filling my air passages?
What's happening?!?
Am I choking??? |
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| Clock hour - Terra sans time, senseless |
[Apr. 11th, 2005|11:57 pm] |
Skipping stones vertically down the walls of your stomach, RELEASE your anxiety and numb your pain with death - Stomp on your enemies and make ribbons out of their intestines, SCREAM with happiness - say this all on one breath. What are we breathing? All this polluted shit in the air, we are fucking horrific parasites infesting this earth. Oh Terra how I wish I could help but I am only one of the infinite vermin on your back // I bet you can't wait to drown us all- the flesh eating lice in your hair.
Will, gone, DID. Cross your eyes and poke the left, try and understand a cockroach's noise// TRANSLATION. We have bad eye sight, bad hearing, horrible athleticism yet we are killing off all of our skilled counterparts - WHAT? // UNDERESTIMATION.
Late hour ADDitional:/=- I made an animation. I wasn't working for me, but it may work for you: http://www.angelfire.com/weird2/blankne55/OnyVa.mov |
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| Hahaha |
[Mar. 20th, 2005|05:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  dorky | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Wax Trax!- Father don't cry | ] |
I felt like being cheesy, so here is a 10 minute collage, sorry for it's bad quality/skill usage.
You know, I noticed recentally how practically every "emo" kid looks the SAME yet they are always talking about being different, blah, etc etc... HAHAHAH it's hilarious
it's just another lame phase... Similar to the grunge phase in the early 90's and the sudden "goth" outburst during M.Manson's reign. |
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